No Nonsense Key-Lime Pie

And by that I mean plenty of nonsense on my part. The pie itself if pretty straightforward. Click here to skip to the steps, and let me have my moment. I’m just really happy with this okay?
key lime pie1

ARE YOU SEEING THIS? I DID THIS. ME. THIS IS PEAK 22 YEAR OLD PERFORMANCE AND NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY BEAT THE HIGH IM GETTING ON BY LOOKING AT HOW NOT-FUGLY THIS KEY LIME PIE IS.

I’ve done it.

I have cracked the code.

It cannot get better than this; nothing else I do can possibly overcome how beautiful this looks to me. The blog is over. Everyone go home.

Lies, of course. No matter how desperately some might want me to, little short of an apocalypse will stop me. I actually like digging my own grave, thanks.

But here’s the deal right? My friend had a party a few days ago and had asked me if I was bringing anything – mostly because past experiences have led him to believe that I like feeding other people my food-experiments. Which is true. So, my validation-seeking ass obviously said yes and decided, on a complete whim, to make key-lime pie.

Now, let me preface this by saying that I’m an Indian Girl From India who currently resides among Swedish People In Sweden, so neither party has any particular idea or a suitable translation of what the frick a key-lime pie is. I may have caught this dish from the corner of my eye whilst binge-watching youtube from the previous post, and my brain simply kicked-in on a Tuesday morning with: “you could always make key lime pie”.

“Oh yeah, what a good idea brain. What’s that?”

“I don’t know man. A pie, maybe.”

“U right,” I said and turned on my dusty, PoS laptop to actually do some research.

In conclusion, Key Lime Pie – as the same suggests – is pie with lime it in. Which may be the key to it’s citrus-y flavour? I made that explanation up, I’m sorry.

It is, however, super easy to make if you follow the BBC recipe version. I didn’t even bother looking up other recipes because that was the level of instinct I was running on – which, usually ends terribly for me. So we can only thank the Powers That Be for not leading me astray with this wet-cardboard-sounding dessert.

The reviews were mostly positive – conceded by a group of heavily tipsy, 20-something individuals from all around the world; so make of that what you will.

You can always check out the recipe above for perfect results, but if you wanted to do that, you wouldn’t be reading this.

(Are you reading this? Is anyone?)

So instead, here is what I did.


Prep time: If you have a blender, 10 minutes. If not, 20 – maybe.
Cooking time: 25 minutes in total
Nutritional value: none, sorry
Feeds: A group of heavily tipsy, 20-something individuals from all around the world.

INGREDIENTS

  • 400 g digestive biscuits
  • 180 g melted butter
  • 3 egg yolks
  • 1 can (397 ml) sweetened condensed milk
  • 3-4 limes: zested and juiced
  • 200-220 ml heavy cream – for the frosting
  • A handful of icing sugar – to make it seem like you made an effort with frosting

STEPS

The base: 

  1. Pre-heat the oven to 160-175°C.
  2. Line your baking pan/pie-pan with a little bit of butter and keep aside.
  3. Crush your digestive biscuits in a ziploc bag with your hands or a rolling pin. If you have a blender, use that instead to granulate your biscuits into relatively fine crumbs.
  4. Pop them in a large bowl and add the melted butter to it. Mix the to-be pie base with a spatula, soon followed by your hand when you figure out it’s faster to mix this way.
  5. …Wait, wash your hands first. Then do step 4.
  6. Once the base stays solid when you ball it in your fist, place it in the baking pan and line the whole thing – sides included – with it.
  7. Realize that you actually made too much base and keep the excess aside for snacking on a rainy day, or use it for a cheesecake base (but we know that you will eat it first, it’s basically shortbread without shape).
  8. Put it in the fridge for 10 minutes, before popping it in the oven for another 10-ish minutes to solidify the base.
  9. Once done, place outside to cool.

The pie:

  1. In a large bowl, add your egg yolks and mix vigorously with an electric mixer for a whole minute and then some. If you don’t have an electric mixer, whisk really really hard for two or more minutes.
  2. Add in the condensed milk into the mixture and whisk (electrically) for three minutes or at least 6-7 minutes by hand.
  3. Put in the zest and lime juice and mix again for another 3 and a half minutes.

    Note: Keep taste-testing y’all. It is up to you to decide how tangy this pie should be.

  4. Pour the batter at the center of the now-cooled pie base so that it spreads evenly, wait for about 5 minutes for it to settle before putting it in the oven for 15-17 minutes.

    While that happens, make your frosting, which is essentially just adding the heavy cream and sugar in a bowl and electrically mixing it until it’s thicker and makes “soft peaks” – which is a thing that actually exists, and apparently not a MasterChef myth.

  5. When the pie is done (and by that I mean, is no longer a viscous liquid – which was the only indication I had to work with), keep outside to cool for about 30 minutes before popping it in the freezer for about an hour or more. The BBC recipe suggests chilling it in the fridge for at least 3 hours or overnight to properly set the pie but I was running short on time and this worked just as well.

    34536799_1653503434699554_2157840682461429760_n

    This is acceptable too, except the 21st century is all about that aesthetic, so frosting is always welcome.

  6. Decorate the pie with the frosting and sprinkle on some leftover lime zest to make it look ~cool. 
  7. Cut the pie with a knife (and not a pizza cutter as it cannot cut through the base), in slices and serve.

The final product is this gorgeous piece of art that I almost wished I never shared, but am glad I did because self-control is sparse these days among the baking community.

34672376_1653503594699538_5450178280168620032_n

I kid. There’s no such thing as the baking community. Unless there is… and I’m not a part of it. Is there a baking community? Guys? Wh-where are you going? I said is there a baking community! Hey!

Please try this recipe out and let me know. Screw the rest, but give this one a shot. It won’t let you down – and dare I say, might even impress you.

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3 thoughts on “No Nonsense Key-Lime Pie

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